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hapless victim of inertia
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[09 Feb 2010|09:09am] |
I spent all night last night cursing at origami paper as elisa and Ashley scowered the Internet trying to find the name of the man she has agreeed to go out with this weekend. It was quite the site.
I decided I wanted to make a bouquet of origami flowers for Lizen for valentines day. They are very very pretty. And much much harder to construct than I had originally assumed. It took me about five hours and two mimosas to make four decent flowers. I need much more than four for a good bouquet.
Meanwhile Ashley met a man at a club in Seattle this past weekend and though she really liked him. She could not remember his name to save her life. Elisa's online stalking abiltys are amazing. And scary. By the end of watching "I love you man" elisa had his name.
Which was a dumb name an we mocked it for the rest of the evening.
I'm debating on whether or not to cancel my doctors appointment tomorrow. It would be for no other reason but to sleep in but right now that feels like an excellent reason. Though I will probably just wake up at 7:30 anyway. My body clock has really held on to this nine to fiver schedual. Even on Saturdays. It's gross.
Wedding plans are going well. We are going to whidby island to stay at the beach house where we are having the ceramony the weekend of my birthday so we can have a good idea of how many people we can invite. How many tables and tents ect we need to rent.
My mom wants to do a pacific northwest theme of food which seems like a good idea to me. At first I wanted to argue that there are people who don't like seafood. Clams. Salmon. And things like that... But she is paying for the food and I think pnw theme would be fitting so I didn't say anything.
Well I have to get to work. Tuesday awaits.
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[01 Feb 2010|09:04am] |
Driving around north portland with Nicky in her 1970s mercedys reminded me so much of being a teenager. It feels like a million years ago. Driving around with Betsy in her old desil mercedys listening to Tori Amos. The evening was very comforting. Nicky is very comforting to me. I really look up to her.
We are finally completely clear of the old apartment now. Finished cleaning and handed in the keys yesterday. I never have to go there again.
It's monday. And it's raining. At least this weekend I get to see Lizen. I didn't get to this past weekend because of doctors and closing out the apartment.
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[25 Jan 2010|09:01am] |
Another Monday morning on the number eight bus. Work just doesn't appeal to me today but I feel that may just be a Monday thing.
I spent a good hour last night curled up with my wedding planner book. Reading. Highlighting. Taking notes. I finally read through the whole thing. The more I think about it the more I have a fairly decent idea of what I'm wanting to do which is comforting.
Lizen and I have been putting extra money aside not nessicarly for the wedding bu for our future in general. We are also recying all the beer bottle, cans and jars from both our houses and from the fish tale and hopefully backspace. In Oregon you get five to ten cents for a bottle. It adds up. We read about a couple that funded their whole wedding that way. I mean every little bit helps right?
Also it is offically planned for us to take a week vacation to Atlanta in may. Emily's wedding is may 14 and flux should arrive in April so it seems like a goo time to take a solid vacation.
The sun is out today. I hope i hope it stays out.
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| living outside the corporate bubble |
[20 Jan 2010|04:45pm] |
a few nights ago there was a punk show at backspace. as far as i am concerned all punk shows are bad, but this one was unanimously bad. the drummer was a dick. he called himself 'traffic.'
mind you i wasn't around because i don't work nights so this is all second hand information.... but apparently "traffic" in an attempt to be uber punk he stole 4 pieces of art off the back wall.
a nice patron ratted him out to flash and brian. brian knew that there was a very good chance i would kill him for allowing the work to be stolen so him and flash came up with a plan.
they went out to the van at the end of the night when the band was packing up and stole the drums.
when traffic started complaining that his drums were gone, brian simply stated "so are our paintings."
the paintings are back now. and i love brian just a little bit more
god i need to go home. i will after this beer. swears it.
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[14 Jan 2010|09:21am] |
The number 8 is freakishly empty today. Usually I try to make the 8:53 bus just to avoid the crowds of the 9:09 bus. But today empty seats everywhere. Perhaps everyone when to hati to lend a hleping hand... The silly Portland hippies probably don't realize quite how far hati is from here.
Work this week has been incredibly in exciting. So much so I embraced yeaterday's catering order with open arms. Mainly because it meant I would have company in my work. Dinna and I made overly decorated hummus plates while listening "this American life"
There is a kind older lady behind me talking about how beutiful the world is when you have a bus pass.
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[13 Jan 2010|09:14am] |
Last night I made kanish and mashed potatoes for dinner. Heather came over and we all cooed over Alberta gossip with te help of a bottle of 3 buck chuck. I wrapped up individual servings of kanish so elisa could take them to work for lunch.
So far there are three people that are on the bus with me everyday. A rather larger lady that I believe is a nurse. A red headed dude that's always talking business on his phone and the "feminest". I try to always see what she is reading each day. Each day I swear it's a little worse. Judging by the stop she gets on I think she lives next to that scary feminist book
store in north Portland.
It's so nice how easy and cheap the public transportation is. Because the weather is gonna have to be outta control
beautiful for me to wake up at eight and want to ride my bike into town. I'm just not that kind of portlander.
In related news yesterday I made a vegan spinich dip that was simply to
die for.
Crossing the willamette river into downtown. Work time
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[12 Jan 2010|09:19am] |
Bus day two:
two people near me are reading Kurt vonnagut.
A nice lady pulled a small feather from my pillow out of my hair.
I am one of four people on the eight bus writing something on an iPhone.
I didn't get to the bus early enough today because my cats and elsia's cat were aparently acting out the bramuda triangle in a loud game of cat sharades.
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[11 Jan 2010|09:02am] |
Yesterday felt more like home than I think Portland ever has. I am moved into my new house. I have a lot more space and it's just such a pretty little house.
We decided to have our first Sunday brunch and I made fried apple pancakes bacon and eggs. We invited Nicki and heather over to toast with mimosas. Lizen even called off work to spend Sunday with us.
That apartment was never a home. It was just were I slept. This little house is home.
On a related note I am writing this on the bus going to work. It's possible bus posts will continue. I mean you gotta love a good bus post.
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[08 Jan 2010|11:50am] |
you know i keep meaning to write in this, and then i just don't. I was gonna write an "its been a year since i moved here" post then i was gonna write a post explaining my new tattoo.... and well i just didn't. and well i am still not going too.
instead you get this.
people, places and things other than my fiance that really deserve a love letter from me in this very moment:
the robinson brothers:
not only have kris and eric significantly heightened my faith in men but also in the arts. they are so passionate about their work and their community. which is what makes backspace and someday so great. in the past 5 years they have created a mammoth art community in old town. and sometimes i just feel so honored to be a part of it. as i prepared for last nights show i realized i had done a full years worth of exhibits with them. i can't even put into words how much i have learned.
5423 NE 19th Ave Portland, OR 97211:
my new house. my new neighborhood. the addition of elisa to my home. its such a beautiful home. and i can pay for my fair share. it makes me feel like an adult. it sounds silly but i feel like my change of address gives me a strange sense of power.
the food processor:
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CAN DO WITH THOSE!?? it should be illegal.
P.J Cowan:
the author of the books i have done. she is the sweetest old woman ever and is bound and determined to help me get my book published. she has an unreasonable amount of faith in me and sometimes it gives me the same faith in myself.
oh and on a seporate note, i am getting married july 9th 2011. woot. look a date. we even got a planning book. which made me so nervous i almost puked. god i am charming.
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[24 Dec 2009|07:27pm] |
i have been downright amazed at how well my family and family friends are taking the engagement. i mean my dad took a while to warm up, but he is doin ok.
my parents already offered to help pay and the perrets said they would handle the dress(s)
i bought lizen a ring of her own today.
people keep asking me how this all works.
who asks who.
and honestly i dont have the slightest clue.
all i know is i refuse to play gender roles.
lizen is as much of a woman as me and she deserves her friends and family to coo over an engagement ring too.
i look down at my left hand and just beam. beam at a piece of jewelry. its so not like me.
but its not that its a giant shiny rock. its that that shiny rock means that i am gonna spend the rest of my life with lizen.
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[14 Dec 2009|01:53am] |
the amazing stress of this month is really getting to me. which is just getting silly because i am handling things quite well, and on top of that if you peek just past the stress storm there are really really amazing things.
for the sake of my own sanity i will list them now before i go to sleep.
1.in one month i will not live in this apartment anymore. i know that its a beautiful luxery apartment, but the reality of the situation is, its a constant reminder that i was raped. sucks. but its true. because of this i see potential in just about every house elisa, ashley and i look at.
A: living with elisa. ashley is gone- like a lot. and lauretta and eleanor don't talk back. having someone there when i get home at night will bring back a very missed sense of comfort and home.
2. christmas at home. i adore my family's christmas traditions and i love how they are expanding. i can't wait to spend a full week at home just enjoying my friends and family. no work, no tragic circumstance. just people i love. plus my sister got a puppy. what is more fun than a puppy i ask you?
3. Backspace is becoming more and more like a second home. i am becoming very close with all the people there and its starting to feel like a little family. plus its great to have "my boys" again. when my group of boys bailed on me when nat and i split i had a bit of a void for a while. this is nice.
last night we closed early and made backspace into a war zone. we made forts and stole someday's strobe lights and fog machine. we played queen really loud, got drunk and had a nerf fight. it was a blast.
4. i have a partner. not just a girlfriend, but someone that even at my weakest moments i know i want to spend the rest of my life with. she supports everything i do and feel even when its kinda ridiculous. she is really helping me focus on what i really want to do with my life, and how to do it. i am just a better person because she is there.
5. i keep getting news of people expanding in love and family. i have been gone a year and in that time elaina and john had a baby, anna had twin girls, matt has a son, betsy is glowing knowing she is having a daughter. nia got married, andrea got married, emily and harrison are getting married, and so is kelly. this year has just been booming in that feild huh?
6. and before i go to sleep i have my kitties. yes, they go on the list. because honestly i don't think i could have done this without lauretta. i couldn't have come home to an empty house every night without knowing without a shadow of a doubt that lauretta would run to the door to greet me as soon as i opened it. and as much as i have been trying to make eleanor a tiny lauretta- she isn't. she is a straight up cat. so she is kinda a dick- but she keeps me entertained- and well someday she will love me as much as lauretta.
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[08 Dec 2009|02:59pm] |
last night was lizen's make believe birthday. it really isn't untill the 18th, but much like everything else important to me- i can't be there.
we did manage a good time though. we met up with gilbert and chaz at the Voyer. had a few drinks. watkins and bays joined us. then we walked over the the fishtail to bother tah. and well before you knew it there was a good dozen of us, drunk as all get out at jake's doing bad kareokee. all and all i would say it was a good night.
but it did give me the first taste of things i will be missing this month.
the worst of course being the yule ball. the fact that i am not going to be there and be a part of it, just doesnt even seem true. to me, the yule ball has become what christmas is to me. i really feel like i am missing christmas. the night of the yule ball i am going to be catering someone else's party.
i will also miss taylor graduating college.
i will miss lizen's family christmas party.
i will miss lizen's 30th birthday.
i am glad the backspace holiday party isn't until jan 3rd... so i can at least be a part of something.
getting a house together to move into after the holidays is proving to be more difficult than originally acpected. we thought we had everything done. picked out a great house. and then bam. no house. so we are back at square one.
this sounds like a complainy post but i didnt really mean it to be that.
things are good really for the most part. i just get really sad knowing what all i am missing.
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[17 Nov 2009|01:48pm] |
i am bursting with excitement to go home TWICE in two months! and the first time is in a week! i can't wait to sit on la france's front porch, have a cocktail with my dad, play with my dogs, see besty's pregnant, meet anna's twins!!! god so much. and i get to bring lizen. i can't wait for all my important people to meet the girl i love so much. i am really not worried about it all just excited.... ok, scratch that. i am a little worried about my dad and my aunt meg. but i really think once my dad sees how happy i am he will be able to get behind it. and i dont really give a rat's ass what my aunt meg thinks.
last night was the Left for Dead tournament at backspace. its a lot of fun. teams are usually regulars, or other businesses on our block, like old town computers, and ground kontrol. usually people wear some level of team uniform. of course team backspace couldn't be like everyone else. they came in bunny suits. yes bunny suits.
i was in the back making vegan clam chowder ( i am not even kidding) when a giant pink bunny- aka flash- came running is, closely followed by giant white bunny- aka brian and frank the bunny-zack.
they stayed bunnies all night. i am an adult. this is my adult job. here in the real world.
my job has bunnies.
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[11 Nov 2009|03:29pm] |
i can not wait to go home for the holidays. i wish i could just take the whole month of december off and just be home.
i also can't wait to move out of this apartment. its sad that such a nice apartment has become such a trigger to my nerves. but it just is. especially when ashley is out of town, which ranges from 2 to 3 weeks a month!
i think my nerves will be a lot better when we get a house with elisa. i don't like living in an apartment building anyway. i can hear people in other units. and i know they can hear me. i don't like it. plus, life without a front porch is lame.
works going ok. i have been spoiled all month with all my weekends off, but that ends in december. december is gonna kick my ass. and without my weekends i don't know how often i will be able to see lizen. which makes me all colors of sad.
i won't be able to make it to atlanta for the yule ball. which i can barely believe is true. i look forward to the yule ball all year. but i guess there is nothing i can do. i guess thats just part of being an adult. i won't even be able to make it up to olympia for lizen's 30th birthday. i already feel bad for the people that have to work that day with me- its safe to say i am not gonna be in "the holiday spirit."
but i have to look on the upside. i get to come home for both thanksgiving AND christmas. i am actually really lucky. i just have to repeat that again and again and again.
its only november and i am so over the rainy season. which is a damn shame, because there is still 6 months left of clouds and rain. it has only began. the least it could do is storm. some thunder and lightning, you know? just to add a wow factor.
i guess i don't have a whole lot new to report.
i found homes for the kittens- thank god. minus eleanor. i kept her.
lets see anything else.....
working on my 3rd childrens book.... have a show in december.... my work is currently at the hands on children's museum.....
michael and i are trying to start a weekly awesome night. where once a week we get together and do something awesome. we are gonna try to do that tonight, but that depends on how late i end up at work.... may have to be awesome tomorrow.
now i am just babbling. jesus christ the sun is already going down. its not even four! effing winter.
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| text message conversation. |
[26 Oct 2009|02:10pm] |
"i dreamt the kittens multiplied and started to dictate my life."
"well, did you feed them after midnight?"
"shit! maybe i made warecats!"
"you did. oh dear. what will we do?"
"i dunno. i mean i don't feel they deserve a silver stake through the heart, but well my safety is in jeopardy here."
"you are number one. don't let their cute kitten faces fool you. they are viscous wild wares!"
"i know. i try. but they hypnotize me into loving them with their doom laser vision."
"you need 3D glasses to see through the doom."
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[10 Oct 2009|12:34am] |
i just got home from work. it has been a slow grinding week. but now its weekend. always welcomed and embraced.
i am home alone, freshly showered with a glass of wine and some chocolate yogurt. i basically live on yogurt and potato soup when i am not at backspace/someday or when ashley isn't home. its not that i can't afford anything else. i can.... i am just in a yogurt and soup phase.... i don't ever want to eat solid things...
i blame lizen. she got me started on both.
i have been thinking alot lately about how little lizen and i have in common. i actually love it. it makes it easily to learn from each other instead of feeding off each other.
lizen loves math. it calms her down because there is always a right answer. you "can't be wrong." i find this confusing because when it comes to math i feel like i am always wrong. i never even get my bank deposits right. lizen wants to work some at H and R block for tax season....
she reads science fiction and lesbian crime fighting mystery novels and novellas. "they are fun." she says. she read a bit out loud to me the other day while we were lying around. it was about a group of people who lived in a mountain and wanted to make it beautiful so they made a forest inside the mountain. she proceeded to read on as the book explained how they were doing such a thing. "you can't plant a redwood IN A MOUNTAIN! that is just dumb" i said. "its a story, not a biography." she replied.
she is the type of person who knows the names of all the different fish in the sound and north pacific. "its a flounder!" i would say. " no baby, its a halibut."
she likes football and was in the olympic primaries for curling. she would have gone to the 1997 winter olympics, but had to have a major surgery. i had to wikipedia "curling" when she told me.
her religious background is native american. she tells me stories about orcas that turn into wolves and tribes who believe we all came from a giant clam. i still wont let go of my rosaries.
she budgets, balances her checkbooks, doesn't drink very often at all, and always checks my food for msg so i won't get sick.
basically all we really have in common outside of a love for each other is when i say. "i don't like that squirrel. i think its been following us." without skipping a beat she will reply with something along the lines of "its clearly in the CIA. we should probably keep this conversation in code to confuse it. we don't want the Chinese to know our ways."
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| leaves are changing. green to red. |
[28 Sep 2009|11:41am] |
natalie was here for a long weekend, that of course was great. i wish it had been longer. i feel like she was only here for a day. we had a great time though. we went over to mt hood and hiked, went to a wine tasting and over to fullsail brewery. and saturday night we had some good one on one time. something about her being around makes me talk about things i usually won't talk about. and despite how much i loathe talking about somethings i can understand why its important. she should be on a plane right now. hopefully she gets home safe and sound.
work is good for the most part. its really the first job i have ever had where i feel truly respected by my peers and superiors. FINALLY i am not being treated like a child. its not the job i want.... but it pays well and its in and about my field of study. so thats good. this week is first thursday week, so i will probably want to pull out my hair and cry at some point. but i have a beautiful 3 day weekend coming up with lizen. we were originally gonna go to astoria for the weekend. but decided it would really be more practical and just as lovely to do things in and around portland. its just nice that we both have a long weekend at the same time!
i am finally starting to push my artwork again. i had a big lag time. i didn't want to paint. it was too much time alone with myself. and i am just too sensitive to work in such an intimate way when i am still recovering from trauma. but i have talked to a few galleries in LA and they are very impressed with my work so i would like to pull myself together and work towards that.
i can not WAIT to get the kittens out and into good homes. the constant care is exhausting. i know i am keeping one... but one kitten is infinitely easy to deal with than four. and they are still on the bottle.... and still not litter trained. i mean its fair they are only 2 and a half weeks old. but STILL!!!
oh and also, i really miss my friends from home.
it was weird i was looking at my schedule and was like "oh yay. i have off on anne's birthday!..... oh wait.... so what..." sigh.
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[24 Sep 2009|12:26pm] |
mothering 4 less than two week old kittens = round the clock work and stress.
in other new natalie missed her flight. so now michael and i are playing road trip up to seattle to go get her. wooo. fun.
in other other news the first weekend of october lizen and i miraculously BOTH have a three day weekend. we are looking at kitchy bed and breakfasts in Astoria.
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braidedmoth's journal
